my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
