I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
