Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
