The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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