omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
