you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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