You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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