1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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