My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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