It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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