i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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