I understand Curling. That high.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
