Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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