If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
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