She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
