I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
