half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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