wrigley field is MILF paradise
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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