Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
