Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
