a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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