i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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