OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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