her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
my poor anus
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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