Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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