"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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