they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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