I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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