The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
