Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Randomize
