is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
