I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
