yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
