my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
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