I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Randomize
