I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
