Please, let me fuck your mom
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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