and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
