thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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