I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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