I hate your face
He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Dear god my vagina.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
