i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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