so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
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