My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Randomize
