She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
