Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
