I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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