her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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