I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
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