He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
