My balls are so social today.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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