i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
we're so committed to being not committed
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