Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
the day after is always just damage control
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Randomize
