don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
